Being A Mother

Being A Mother

By,

Jennifer E. Miller

What does it take to be a mother? Do you need a child? Or does taking care of someone qualify?

Growing up, a child’s mother feeds, nurtures, and consoles. A mother is who we run to with a problem, an injury, or just a hug. A mother is who we bond with first, our first teacher, and our first love. She raises us and releases us into the world with the skills and advice they provided. And then, one day, we experience being the mom.

Women become mothers differently. Whether naturally, adoption, step or foster parenting, it doesn’t matter. When your child cries, they run to you for a hug full of love and comfort that they know is always tucked away in mother’s arms.

What about non-biological role models? A latchkey child who spends time at a friend’s house after school where the friend’s mother provides a caring and supportive presence, perhaps brings safety and comfort. She acts as a step-in mother for a few hours each day. If this scenario went on for a long time, a bond would develop. She is a mother to another, in a sense.

After a car accident, an ER nurse may hold the hand of a child while the rest of staff attends to his critically injured parents. She is doing her job, but in that moment, isn’t she being a mother? The same concept can be applied to a teacher who consoles the crying student because of a bully: a temporary mother role.

Does being a mother only refer to taking care of a child? There may be a day when we take care of our mother. It could simply be taking care of her after a surgery or doing household chores that have become too exhausting. Does the (adult) child who looks after her mother need to be a parent herself to master this task? After all, many non-relatives are employed as caretakers. The role of mothering can default to a variety of people.

All these thoughts ran through my head as I stood next to my ailing grandmother in the hospital, a few years ago. Unable to feed herself, I spoon-fed her soup. I dipped the spoon into the steaming cafeteria-white bowl of broth, and slowly brought it to her lips as she slurped it from the utensil’s concave. Soon, my eyes began to tear up and tears leak out. I thought about how I had fed my own child this way as an infant, how my mother fed me, and how my grandmother helped with this task with all three of us. Now, here I was, reversing the natural sequential order: I was mothering my grandmother. I was being a mother.

The roles of mothers clearly extend beyond just offspring. It shouldn’t be underestimated how other special women hold a near and dear place in our hearts. A neighbor, teacher, aunt, or friend’s mother can provide a level of support or love that is needed. But when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, we have a main mother role; usually that’s biological. It’s that mother who we bond with first, our first teacher, and our first love. That special woman who reared us into the person we are today. Happy Mother’s Day.