Friday, February 3, 2017

Make Groundhog Day Great Again

Photo: Pixabay under the Creative Commons license CC0 Public Domain

Make Groundhog Day Great Again

Jennifer E. Miller

This Groundhog Day business is a sham. Punxsutawney Phil showed his shadow on February 2nd, condemning us to six more agonizing weeks of winter. At first I just set aside the prediction since Groundhog Day is simply a fun superstition. Then the next morning arrived--with snow. On the snowy drive to school, my second grader responded to my superstition comment with, "Have you LOOKED outside, Mom! It's all Phil's fault!" Since the snow fell all day long, I'm incline to agree with her. By the time school was out, there was four inches on the ground. 

What is the big deal, you ask. Isn't it obvious? Six more weeks of winter jeopardizes future holidays like St. Patrick's Day and Easter. Paddy the Leprechaun and the Easter Bunny need all the snow gone, not beginning to melt away. The shamrocks need time to sprout. Paddy needs to place the pot of gold and paint the blue sky with rainbows. In addition, he prepares the city for the St. Patrick's Day Parade. Snow and grey skies do not help. Six weeks from now is cutting it way too close and is completely unacceptable, Mr. Groundhog.

When Spring is delayed, how is the Easter Bunny supposed to get all the cute little chicks, baby bunnies, and new birds comfortable? Huh? And what about our egg hunts? The Easter Bunny can't hop around in snow to hide them; his tracks would show and kids would know exactly where to find the eggs. There would be no searching involved. See how lousy this Phil character is making our lives?

In response to this malarkey, and show support toward other holidays, I began protesting immediately. I marched around angrily picketing with signs telling the snow to go pound sand. When it continued falling even harder, I rioted instead. As it turned out, my bottle rockets and Molotov cocktails were quickly snuffed out after coming in contact with the snow. The snow that stupid groundhog brought. Thanks a lot, Punxsutawney Phil. Next year, you are obligated to Make Groundhog Day Great Again!

Copyright 2017 by Jennifer E. Miller

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