Flash Fiction Friday: What if Money did Grow on Trees?

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What if Money did Grow on Trees?

By,

Jennifer E. Miller

I had a conversation with someone recently, who told me, “If money really grew on trees, it would only increase the cost of everything because of inflation. Everything would skyrocket since no one would have the drive to work to produce consumer items.”

Being an imaginative person, I quickly conjured up an image of a tree with crisp clean dollar bills billowing off the branches, swaying in the breeze. Instead of the sweet smell of colorful blooms, the hot-off-the-press smell of Ben Franklins would waft under my nose. If it cuts down on pollens and allergies, I’m all for this change. And seriously, who wouldn’t love their own personal bank account growing in their backyard? Aside from my acquaintance's opinion regarding inflation, would a money tree be worth it?

Let’s first examine seasonality. Assume that the money tree is a deciduous tree, meaning it sheds its leaves in the fall. I guess this means that we’d rake up all the “leaves” and save them for Christmas spending. After all, we will need it since inflation will now ruin the thrill of Christmas shopping.

During the winter, a deciduous tree hibernates and its branches remain bare. Unless enough was stored to last throughout the winter, this might be the time where everyone gets to work because they need money.

Springtime brings buds to the tree branches. In this case, dollar bills curled up tightly with tips protruding their way out onto the branch. Slowly they open and unfold those much-needed dollar bills. Be sure to watch out for the occasional bird who decides to snatch one to build their nest, though.

Late spring and into summer brings the money tree to its fullest. It’s lush with dollar blooms and families pluck them off the tree into ever-fattening wallets. When one bill is pulled off, no worries, another one will eventually sprout in its place.

Now that we’ve looked at the plant/money life cycle in conjunction with seasons, we need to question technical stuff. How long does the money tree last? Traditional trees may live for many years, but eventually they perish for one reason or another. How long can someone count on a money tree? If or when it’s gone, were a few dollars tucked away somewhere to plant a new tree?

That brings up another question: how does a money tree get planted exactly? With paper bills or coins? Does the soil consistency have to be just right in order to grow anything at all? With apple seeds, you plant a seed from one variety of apple, but your tree may grow another variety. Is it possible to plant a twenty dollar bill, yet have the tree yield two dollar bills? Or worse, pennies?

Then there’s the issue of theft. How does one protect their money tree? Anyone can jump into a backyard and snatch off all the dollar bills, rendering the tree useless until more bloom. How does one guard a money tree? Armed guards? How would the tree owner compensate them? Just pluck their paycheck off the branches?

My once happy-go-lucky imaginary scenario with the money tree is getting complicated. I suppose it’s best to just earn dollars the old-fashioned way: work for them. 

Copyright 2018 Jennifer E. Miller